when i really think of it, i have very few indulgences in my life.

my love, comics, friends, junk food, the internet…wrestling games.

as my love continues to grow more wonderful every day, my comics seem to torment me with their wonderful linework and storylines, they whisper to me that i’ll never create anything near as good, if anything at all, my friends become fewer and fewer and sometimes it seems i am so comfortable with some i could go on much longer without seeing them since i know nothing will change in between, junk food makes me feel bad about paying too much for such little nourishment that’ll really just make me a fat loser ten years from now, maybe five and the internet has become this ultimate distraction from everything important even though it has such strong connections to positive uses of my time, my wrestling game seems like a good time killer.

it’s funny, i worry so much about wasted time and seek inspiration and artistic progress but when i play my wrestling game, i am content, i can play it every second until i have to work, see reanne or see one of my best friends and be fine with it. it just is time wasted on purpose and somehow when you do it on purpose as opposed to accidentally it gives off a much different feeling.

it’s a too bad that one of my favourite parts of the day, reading the new dick tracy installment, has been ruined to the point where i see too many words and bland art and just skip it, after years of loyal daily checks and refreshing my browser window around 2am just to see it as early as possible it’s become a daily reminder of the downfalls of the profession i wish to enter.

living doesn’t feel like living or even existing anymore, it feels like dragging my feet until i get to jump for these tiny moments of joy in comparison to the big picture…then…dragging my feet again.

i am thankful for those moments though, i think all the bad parts could never outweigh the euphoric state when i am reading a great novel of the graphic nature or holding her in my arms. laughing at old jokes far too hard with friends i’ve known for far too long to the point where it’s the same conversations repeated all the time between gossip. living isn’t great, but it’s still somehow worthwhile.