Lately I don’t know what to do with myself, in or out is all the same really. I stay home and try to be productive with hopes for artistic endeavors but a faint memory and nothing musically in the works, what have I really done with the past two years? Did I finish high school just to be a do-nothing graduate?

I sometimes feel so useless, but what is the real solution? A lot of men have fillers and hobbies but really it’s just the eternal search for someone else to fill your time and your spare thoughts, but it’s been so long since that, longer than I care to admit to the unknown online community.

I find myself so consumed with art for what? More money for more books for more paper? It feels like an endless circle as we go around and around, am I really just wasting my time? Chasing down these pipe dreams when I’m destined to just stay in my room until I am 24 and find some reality check?

I probably won’t even post this, it will find itself numbered among countless other drafts, secret to the world when far from my journal. Today I debate between family and friends but is there really a point? By this time tomorrow I will still be in the same place.

I guess if you think about everything that way it all seems so dreary and never really matters what you do in between, millionaire, cashier, it’s all the same at the end of the day, nicer sheets don’t really keep you warm.

I guess that’s it for this, now it can be lost with the rest like it until I am in need of some reassurance that such dilemmas are nothing new, weighing heavy on my mind they’ll leave and be replaced by shallow distraction…